An Attitude Adjustment. That's what my dad use to call it. You see, I was not a defiant or rebellious kid, but oh man, I was queen of the attitude department! I can't tell you how many times I would hear him say to me, "Nichole, you need an attitude adjustment." Well, I'm all grown up now, and have I now out grown the need for attitude adjustments? Um....no. They just come in different forms now. I received a couple out of the blue this weekend.
You see, on Friday I was at Costco for my normal shopping. As I'm walking through Costco I see quite a few moms with little people in tow. I started getting sad that both of my little people were in school and I was there shopping alone. Then I walked by the toy section that they are putting up to get ready for Christmas. As I'm walking through that section I'm feeling even more sorry for myself because most of the toys are for little people, and I am so sad that my guys are too big for a lot of it and that I don't have a new little person to give those things to. By the time I get to the check out line, I have tears in my eyes over how big my kids are getting, how long this adoption process is taking, and how alone I am at that moment. Well, my cashier and the guy who was loading my cart were both very friendly and happy people, so they had me smiling and laughing within seconds. As I am walking away from the check out, I'm still smiling about something that they had said, and I hear, "Would you look at that lady's smile! I bet she has a lot to live for!" I turned toward the voice and saw this sweet older gentleman looking at me. As soon as my eyes connected with his, he asks me, "Do you have a lot to live for?" Yeah, can you say attitude adjustment?? Immediately I am reminded of all I have been blessed with and all I have to be thankful for!
Then the second adjustment came on Sunday. Our pastor spoke on joy. The things he was saying were just hammering me, like "Often we don't experience joy because we're preoccupied with self." And "What are you waiting for to happen before you will be joyful?" Oh and, "Life is a journey, enjoy the ride!" Okay seriously, I was expecting someone to tap me on the shoulder and say, "You know he is giving this message specifically for you right?" But that wasn't even the attiutde adjustment part, that came while leaving church. We had picked up the boys and were driving through the parking lot, and Joey remarks, "Why is everyone SO happy?" Um, yeah, so I immediate ask myself, why does joy look so foreign to my 9 year old? What am I showing him every day?
Here's the thing guys, if I didn't received ONE MORE THING for the rest of my life, I would die an EXTREMELY blessed woman!! Why am I letting days go by without noticing and overflowing with thankfulness for the amazing little boys I have been given, the awesome, hunky man I get to live with, all of the "stuff" that makes my life so cushy, an abundance of friends and family who love me and my family?!! I have been blessed!!
In some ways, I am thankful that this adoption journey has taken so many twists and turns, because it has ended up being more of a journey for me then a journey to a child. My true heart has been laid bare so many times, because I need to learn, heal, grow. This journey is not just taking us to the perfect little girl for our family, but it is making us into the perfect family for her! So while part of me wishes I could just wave a magic wand and have a baby girl in my arms right now, the other part of me is thankful for this journey, however long it is going to be, and for all of the lessons I am learning along the way.